LANGUAGE IN WHICH 'ME' IS CAPITAL

i learned English, so i became. My dreams and daydreams are reviling themselves in English before my inner eye. My thoughts are forming themselves in English. i am in love with the language, with the words and the sentences they make and voids they fill in me. Like the sea fills the voids of the earth. What water gave me is what paper gave me too. Life. Self. The self i am so sure of, for if i had to understand it or explain it, is like water slipping through my fingers. Forever trying to catch it, banding my back and the sound of it breaking under the weight of the feeling. Forever searching.

i learned English and i learned that me has to be capital 'I'. So I became. I became capital, self-important, egoistic, selfish and kind. The only way I can be. I can only be selfishly kind. No return of the same does not hurt me. Because the I is like a temple that lets light through the windows withholding the Venetian glass, dressing me in all divine colours, painting my story where I write people in and write people out. Forever trying to catch the light and trace its points to their origin, but it splits and bends. Mirrors on the walls for the light to reflect. Maybe I am not ready for the answer. Forever searching.

I am the narrative. The only way I can be. Filled with words not facts. That is how I can create and change. How I make my realities which are not matter based and nothing is relevant. Where creatures can steal time, shape it and have a leap year every year. My sense is making itself and my body is silence I keep breaking.

Words help me express. Unyielding structures of my emotions. Writing them down, I empty my skull. Words keep making me who I think I might be. When I read a verse of a genius that seems indifferent to judgement and criticism but cares only of getting his message across, butterflies in my tummy go mental. When I hear profoundly spoken my eyes tear up. I too discovered the beauty of the language that fills the pages of all the books I keep putting against the walls, on the stairs, in the shelves and on the high of my wardrobe full of drawers containing secret compartments. I changed as a by-product of Shakespeare and many before him and those after him.

I love in English. First time I fell in love was in English. Now, I can only say 'I LOVE YOU'  and mean it. Be fully committed to those three words. And now, I love an English man.