WHAT WE'RE READING...

When I am not in love, I walk, work, sleep and joke. Even that becomes overbearing. When I feel as empty as a promise, I try to escape, pretend nothing exists around me, nothing is real, nor am I. Or make myself believe that I am the Only real creation while the rest are my reflections, in order to change for the better, in this theory, I should think happy thoughts. But sometimes is hard to think outside of the box. My box can be as dark as a coffin and as lonely as a church sometimes. Although, it is still mine, it is magical!

When my box doesn't suit me I go into somebody else's. I read, passionately.

I need an imaginative box, a deeper and bigger box than mine it is. A box with new colors. As I already read 'Kafka on the Shore', I tursted Mr. Murakami. I chose his earlier work 'Norwegian Wood' to be my exile this time.

...'So I made up my mind I was going to find somebody who would love me unconditionally 365 days a year. I was still in primary school at that time , but I made up my mind once and for all.'

'Wow', I said. 'And did your search pay off?'

'That's the hard part,' said Midori. She watched the rising smoke for a while, thinking. 'I guess I've been waiting so long I'm looking for perfection. That makes it tough.'

'Waiting for the perfect love?'

'No, even I know better than that. I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortbread. And you stop everything you're doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortbread out to me. And I say I don't want it any more and throw it out of the window. That's what I am looking for.'

'I'm not sure that has anything to do with love,' I said with some amazement.

'It does,' she said. 'You just don't know it. There are times in a girl's life when things like that are incredibly important.'

'Things like throwing strawberry shortbread out of the window?'

'Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologizes to me. 'Now I see, Midori. What a fool I've been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortbread. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I'll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?''

'So then what?'

'So then I'd give him all the love he deserves for what he's done.'

'Sounds crazy to me.'

'Well, to me, that's what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though.' Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder. 'For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn't begin at all.'

I want to know what strawberry shortbread is so I'll know what to throw out of the window as that is the kind of love I am yearning for. A Perfect Selfishness.