INSPIRATION- I can't write when I am happy
When started this little chronology of random, beautiful, me being a flaneur in world of words and self expression,prime idea was for it to be a happy place. With happy thoughts and positive thinking and 'all the extraordinary days and ideas'-still got them though. Refusing to write when even slightly unhappy, tired or moody. Being afraid it would be as dark as the colour of the beast, whiny, too deep with no sense to it. Endless inquiries about the state.
But I had to try it, had to see it for myself how it sounds. Until I write it down I don't know what I think, therefore no rytham or colour is visible to the thought reflection. And that is how firstly I ate caviar and cried, This answers that question, I just haven't met you yet, She could tell by the way he was standing came about. Writing it, was as natural, more honest therefore meaningful, emotional more complete and not as random. Putting it out there, staring at the 'publish post' button and actually pressing it, felt reviving, freeing and scary, all at the same time.
People (3 of my friends and my mum) responded to it. Most importantly, I enjoyed writing the truth and saying how it is without any prejudice. It came to be clearer to see, going 'back there' and writing in that 'blaaah' state than when am euphoric or immeasurably frenzy. And now...don't even bother thinking of writing when happy. Useless-waste of time which I devour.
When I am happy I think its forever, as a butterfly thinks it has a forever. The gland drowning in dopamine, foggy unformed stolen ideas going nowhere fast. Unrealistic perception of what is around me and helplessly feeling lucky.
But that is not an excuse. I will, I must, learn how to divorce myself from that unwanted, unnecessary state- happiness, in order to produce magic or
tragedy, then go back to being a smitten kitten that I only know how to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment