DOUBLE EDGED SWORD

I am a whole lot of people, trying to be one person.

Sometimes I am only yours melting all my desires into one, and that is to get to know you. Sometimes I am not leaving but distancing myself. Sometimes I am a loner and I like it then the best. Sometimes I am a dreamer. Sometimes a realist. Sometimes a pessimist, but most of the time an optimist. Sometimes I feel beautiful, sometimes I feel rejected by the whole world. Sometimes I am a happy creature, but sometimes I cry. Sometimes I am a shadow talker, sometimes I scream and yell. Sometimes I am high, sometimes gravity has its way with me. Sometimes I breath life in, sometimes I feel like exploding. Sometimes I am my own superhero-girl, sometimes I am my worst enemy. Sometimes I am a lover, sometimes a bitch. Sometimes I am a writer, sometimes I am just tired. Sometimes I work hard, sometimes I sleep. Sometimes I love, and sometimes I need to be loved. Sometimes I don't shut up and rarely listen. Sometimes I am hiding, if you find me, come and get me, by waiting we are growing further apart. Sometimes I am good in maths, sometimes I suffocate in the aftermath of what I have done. Sometimes I am a mystery gone wild, sometimes a pending engagement. Sometimes I am the answer, sometimes a problem, still I do it all. Sometimes I am good. Sometimes I am wrong. Sometimes I say 'there is so much more', sometimes 'fuck off'. Sometimes I am in the moment, sometimes I want to be somewhere else. Sometimes I brighten the day, sometimes I am fading fast. Sometimes I am OK with drawning, the other days I swim for my life. Sometimes I believe I write for you, sometimes I don't know why I write. Sometimes I stuff my eyes with wonder, the other times I am seeing all the wrong things, searching for the flaws. Sometimes I am a carer, sometimes I am a killer and a thief of joy. Sometimes I am the host, sometimes a guest. Sometimes I am a political animal and sometimes a smitten kitten, sometimes I am not your baby. Sometimes just an animal. Sometimes I am a waitress, sometimes a customer. Sometimes I am my own.

Sometimes, most of the time, I just don't know.

Sometimes I don't care.