WAKE UP!

We are so desperately wrapped up in our heads, and so busy, hurrying all the time, always late! Both of our hands full of everyday crap that there is nothing left with what to hug the moments, an ordinary beauty. We are such a market consuming robots. Time is money! Time concerned species, clocks being the suns.

It is painful how unavailable we are, to forget that the most beautiful things are free!

I've got a WAKE UP CALL one morning, going to work. On the corner, there was a stranger... He was watching me approaching. Seeing him watch me, I was already regretting choosing to go from that street. My eyeballs were seeing the back of my head. 'Good Morning', he said. I looked at him, oh, if a look could kill. I was so angry! How dare he!

'Good Morning is free, you know?!' he yelled after me. I stopped dead. What an idiot I am, how arrogant, ignorant and all the worst things and words I do not know! I was so ashamed of myself, or whoever I thought I was till then. Did not have the strength to turn and look at a stranger! I was so sad, thought would start crying if turn to face him. Never did I feel so small and worthless in my life. I ran!

I must never again forget:

• 'Good Morning' is free
• To smile at strangers
• The smile is the most beautiful thing
• To hug my friends
• Say 'I love you' if feel like saying it
• Say 'Please' and 'Thank you'
• If it is a beautiful day, to stop and appreciate it
• To look at the stars and feel small
• To love
• To write

Please do not be an imbecile like me, and do remember this things.

Luv ya all.

I LOVE YOU MY HOPE

When Pandora opened her box she let out all the things except one. The one that is even more dangerous than lust and evil. The one that can keep you prolonging the torments of life. The one that can torture you. The one that can keep you going. The one that can style your day.

The definition of 'the one' is, a belief in a positive outcome and it answers to the name 'HOPE'.

Be careful of what you wish for! The lesson I learned, the lesson which I would be remembered every time I have hope.

I was praying, yearning, for to get a normal office job with office hours, from 8am-5pm. Dreamed of a day when I'll have to dress up smart, put make up in the morning, hair up, hills and carry on a lap top. It was a dream, nothing to think twice about it, because it was impossible. Until the manager came up to me and told me to dress up smart, come in tomorrow at 11am and if have, bring my lap top.

I wanted to jump on him and kiss him all over. How happy I was and proud! The next day, two hours before the time I woke up, to do my nails, make up, have breakfast and coffee- I never do that!Put my baby lap top into my baby red lap top bag and walked out to find it's a beautiful day, walking, and feeling a bit self important, or however I thought people with lap top bags feel like when going to work, whatever that meant- it meant a lot to me. I felt smart, intelligent, special, I could run for a president!

The whole affair lasted less than a week! That's how much it took me! Sitting alone in the office, with million phones, lap top (without internet), freezing my tiny bottom and crying myself for human face to face contact and laughter. Somebody talk to me!!!

After a week or so, I came downstairs and told my manager, apologized first, then quit the damn 'office job'. Its not me, its not for me! I did try my best but apparently I am not a person to work the phones.

Apart from learning that I cannot sell a thing over a phone, that if I hated something so much, I had b*lls to quit it, I also learned to be careful when wish for something. That there is always a possibility for it to happen which thought me how to hope. Now, every time I think 'I really really want it', I stop and think, 'Do I really?' Am almost scared for it to become the truth. Also lets me believe. And if you really what something it will happen! Gives me hope!

PICASO'S PROPHECY

I have no idea either/or inspiration to think or write about anything. So i'll write about that in hopes the Picaso's prophecy will come true. It is not that you don't have inspiration, it will come if it finds you working. Or something like that.

I am exhausted but still feeling fairly positive about my evening, as if something is supposed to happen! As long as I don't fall asleep, I'll be expecting.

Today was horrible February day! Cold, windy, rainy...grey, depressing and cold! I have almost let the weather get to me, becoming what is on outside until I met with N and she rejuvenated me as all my energy booster friends have effect.. Although she told me that she's going back home for sometime and made me very sad!I don't want her to go but wish her all the luck. Apparently, I am a selfish friend but they love me and I love them.

I love my friends. They are few but they are priceless and I would not change anyone of them because they are all made up of small, beautiful detail. The reason me being a selfish friend, I think, is because I value my friendships too much! They are everything to me, my other family that I cannot live without.

OK, so...I have 5 best friends, if thats possible. G really has a Y chromosome but I like to think of him as one of my best girlfriends. We usually complain about governments, politics and dwell over how we cannot change the world. How we miss studying and he calms me down by telling the truth that hurts. He's my competitive buddy and love playing games with him! Although we stopped wrestling since got himself a gf.

E is my 'dear diary' friend. He is a person that I am the most grateful for having in my life. We are very complicated in so many ways but he is the one to whom I can pour out my unprocessed thoughts and we will talk about it. To him I only feel comfortable saying 'I am lonely-stay'. He is a person that will care for you in a way you would never except another human being, apart from your mother, to care. I love him to the bone and he's favorite thing to say to me is 'I told you so', and he did!

Yo, she is my soul mate!My retarded soul mate! If she was not in me life I think I would not know what laughing means. Laughing to tears and then just pee a little bit. She is beautiful but retarded all the way! With her I talk about boys and to her I tell how much I over-think every single thought in my little head and how I over-analyse every single emotion or made up emotion due to my disorder of over-thinking?! She knows how I breath and can say the same for her breathing. We are sooo different in every possible aspect but we get on more than better, the bestests! We know the ways the other one thinks and can finish each other's sentences and no body but no body gets me as she does. Thank god for her!

D is a my wisdom. She knows it! She understands! She's the one I turn for an advice and she thought me how to listen. She's the serious friend that knows what she wants and how to get it, She's intelligent and honest. She supports! We bitch and we complain about boys. I just feel like a girl when with her. She's a life long friend that I am the most proud of! Go, go girlfriend!

And the fifth one is my mother. Oh, I would be the luckiest woman alive if I could ever establish the same relationship, trust and respect with my daughter. So Santa + Rudolph, let me have sons! She is the best mother one can dream of! There is nothing, but nothing I can not tell her, share with her or ask for. She is my rock! Do not wonna be her, but that would be my tragedy. She a friend of my friends and she knows everything! The only thing that she might not know is how much I love her and how grateful I am!

And the sixth happy friend(s) are my dog, a cow actually! My baby that is allowed to do anything he's tail wishes and me books, the friends I run to, I come home to, I go to bed with which can take me Neverland.

So, Picaso is right. Started of with a February day and look what you've got! I really need to organize my thoughts and learn how to focus!

Just want to say how much I love you guys!!!!!!!!! And thanks for putting up with me, when me myself could not do it, for saying the truth, making me laugh, not judging me, dancing with me, hearing me sing and loving my mother!

What are your friends? Or how was your February day?

CURRENTLY

I'M READING :

'White teeth' - Zadie Smith

'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' - John Gray (research)

I'M LISTENING:

Ludovico Einaudi and Vaya Con Dios

MY HEART:

'is beating like a jungle drum'

I'M:

• Preparing, mentally, to move back to my parents harmony club in order to continua my studies and travel, buy and make cool stuff which will keep you posted on :) Very excite!
• Proud of meself for quiting the job I didn't believe in
• Therefore, enjoying these few days off on the sun and being active and doing abstract art, all in my head.
• Enjoying dates with me mummy
• Falling in love with everything around, especially sailors :)
• Happy
• Eating an amazing, creamy, fresh white chocolate cheese cake with roseberries. Loving it!

WHAT COLOR IS THE MIRROR?

I am silver and exact.

I have no preconceptions. Whatever I see I swallow immediately. Just as it is, unused by love or dislike. I am not cruel- only truthful-

The eye of a little god, four- cornered. Most of the time meditate on the opposite wall. It is pink, with sparkles. I have looked it so long. I think it is part of my heart. But it flickers. Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me. Searching the reaches for what she really is. Then she turns to those liers, the candles or the moon. I see her back and reflect it faithfully.

She rewards me with tears and agitation of hands.

I am important to her. She comes and goes. Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness. In me she has drowned a young girl, and me an old woman.

Rises towards her day after day, like a terrible fish.

THE FRUITS OF MY EFFORTS

It always amazes me how little things can make me happy. How I can be my own muse, which never fails to surprise.

A bit of spontaneousness in my life and I think a world of my randomness. My ego swallows, my charisma makes a glass balloon sending 'a fuck off' energy about me. My inspirations booms and my legs feel like some swing.

DAMN THAT MUSIC MADE MY DAY!

Pick you favorite artist and answer the questions with the name of the songs!

• ARTIST: Belleruche
• ARE YOU A MALE OR A FEMALE? Anything you want (not that)
• DESCRIBE YOURSELF- Minor Swing
• YOUR FAVORITE FORM OF TRANSPORT? Late Train
• YOUR BEST FRIEND IS? The Duck
• WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY? Reflection
• FAVORITE TIME OF DAY? It'll come
• IF YOUR LIFE WERE A TV PROGRAM, WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED? Cat in a dog suit
• WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT LOVE? Like 4 the hard way
• WHAT IS LIFE TO YOU? Ginger wine; Bird mess
• WHAT IS THE BEST ADVICE YOU HAVE? Balance
• IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR NAME, WHAT IT WOULD BE? Bobby
• HOW I WOULD LIKE TO DIE? Clockwatching

This was so fun :D I loooove Belleruche and mostly my inspiration comes from the music and track names. You should try it too. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did:)

MY OBSESSIONS

READING

"Give me the books, fruit,

French wine and fine weather

and a little music out of doors,

played by someone I do not know."

WRITING

"To read is to empower.

To empower is to write.

To write is to influence.

To influence is to change.

To change is to live."

PHOTOGRAPHY

"Intensity captured"

CREATIVITY

"Drew something, cook something,

sing something, build something,

make something, buy nothing!"

Silly me, when collected these wonderful quotes and pictures didn't even thought of writing down who's so wise to say something like that or produce such a picture or a drawing :S

LOVING ME...

TEA has brought me back to life this morning.

There is a 'perfect' temperature for TEA, where you can take a gulp and not get burned, yet it worms your whole body right down to the ends of your fingers and toes. You are having it right now. Though it only lasts a short time. Fleeting, a span of minutes. You cannot leave your cup in order for this to occur, if you get up to do the dishes, start reading a book, or answer the phone you will miss it. You must sit with it, without blowing and be present. Wait. Only then the 'perfect' temperature will present itself to you. You will love it when you can drink a whole cup this way.

BUDGETING!

As it was expected, after the sudden move to a new place, my wallet is experiencing Great Depression, my head experiencing American Dream and my mouth working overtime!

I HAVE to budget, not learn how to, HAVE TO, MUST! Basically, while living with my parents, for me budgeting meant sleeping, but now I am Googling the phenomena.

First, I must admit, it is not as hard as I thought it would be, but nothing is hard when you have to do it. And I am learning a lot about myself, and that is actually coming as a shock to me. I am buying candy- bars which come in pairs, as Twix or Kinder Bueno, so I'll have some sugar for now and some for later or the next day. Before I ate 100 gr of chocolate in 3 minutes, knowing my stomach will hurt. Am switching the lights when leaving the room, having short showers, when brushing my teeth am closing the tap. I never used to do that!

I am learning how to food shop. Comparing the prices and buying the stuff that is on offers. And I love winter time, as it is quiet from tourists, shops/restaurants are giving their amazing offers. Just few nights ago, my mum gave me 20€ to go buy us McDonald's take away. Next to Mc, was a huge poster screaming Wagamama- 'Buy one main meal- the other one you get free!' I was eating noodles for dinner that night! It felt great!

There were few beautiful days during January, I mean 25*C beautiful and sunny. I didn't go to a coffee shop in order for my skin to get some vitamin D. I filled up a small bottle with Coca Cola, put my book under my arm, dog on the leash and set on the bench next to the sea. Such peace!

Living on your own, is not wearing pink glasses all the time, but defiantly I've got a clearer, therefore, better picture of what is it I need and what is it I want. What I can or can not live without. I feel I've grown for a few mm and found new respect towards my parents, my working hours and my money. Plus got more time for my creative self and writing! Budgeting -not that scary!