WHERE HAVE YOU GONE WITHOUT ME?

The days I am ashamed to show the universe, go away.

I don't need to sleep ever again. Unavailable is not me anymore. I demand available, I am gonna become such. Open up, lift off, look up, be honest and discover the sky again. I hear it's wonderful.

The under girl won't be able to smile for long, the morphine of routine and emptiness is wearing off. Bite me! Love me, you sweet psychopath.

Haven't seen my shadow long time and where is my mind? I felt fine/ nothing.

Then he kissed me.

DEVIRGINIZED

When was the last time you did something for the first time this year?

• Moved out and lived on my own
• Bagged mummy and daddy to take me back as couldn't afford the real estate heaven, food and gas
• Realization that parents are man and woman
• Learned the marriage truth
• Discovered that patience is a must have virtue
• I cannot save, but if borrow will give back on time
• Sexual awaking
• OB was thrown at me, I throw an OB on someone else
• Started blogging and writing for Pavlistyle
• Learned about cigars
• Dated a manager, a sailor and a model
• Tried drugs
• Had a first stuff party
• Stayed out till noon
• Fell asleep in the cinema
• Befriended with a Libyan
• Went to a casino
• Learned Black Jack
• A teacher had a crush on me
• Quit my job
• Sun-bated topless
• Went to Earth Garden
• Went to Wine Tasting festival
• For the first time went to a Reggae party
• Got drunk when only went for lunch
• Went to Luna Park and tried all the scary rides
• Realized I am not a complete bitch
• Switched from white to red wine, never say never
• Got addicted to Frangelico
• Tried Latvian chocolate
• Kissed a person with a tongue piercing
• Went for coffees alone.
• Got obsessed of going to Costa Rica

To be continued...

ROMEO LOVED JULIET, JULIET HAD GIRLFRIENDS

Velocity of girls just want to have fun. That kind of fun, you cannot tell your parents about.

The little world of sharing, loving, giving and receiving which boys would never understand or for that matter be let in. The most important thing they are stripped of.

The delicious details shared over a cup of steaming coffee, talking rapidly and swiftly covering all the subjects of the late late Friday night, or just a Tuesday afternoon. A fork full of cheese cake swaying through the air, accompanying the climax of the gossip.

Oh, that sweet information on his uncoordinated movements and girth, sweet laughter follows. Nods and ‘I knows’. Broken codes of his body language by two gals. Sweet!

Politically incorrect bitchiness over double standards and all the dresses and skirts.

Thank you mummy and daddy for giving me nipples that can lactate. And thanks for hormones which ever bring us girls closer. Thanks to all the boys that broke our hearts and let us take care of each other, pat each others hair and bring chocolate coz he’s a ‘bastard and doesn‘t deserve you!’

READING DELUSIONS

As promised, I did take up a new book into my lap. 'The swimming pool library' by Alan Hollinghurst. Got to 56th page or so and will continua. My great escape from 'Lolita'. Only to discover its the same!

They say, books have rather different impacts on one when read in specific phases of life. We will find diverse meaning of the same pages if read five or so years from now, 'Little Prince' is a great example. Mum's observation on what I read was, bestsellers. Yet, how exactly I choose books it is unknown to me. I do not judge the book by its cover, but the older the cover, the more I am driven to it.

Lately, the choices of books I made are somewhat sequencing each other. When I realized I wanted to write these were the books I was going to bed with: 'Gideon' by Russell Andrews, 'The thirteenth tale' by Diane Setterfield, 'The girl with the dragoon tattoo' by Stieg Larsson, and I think there was one of John Grisham too, all depicting ghost writers.

Now, after 'Lolita', a classic about a man who is rationalizing his obsession and passionate love towards a 13 year old girl; I stumble across a very erotic, detail explanatory homosexual acts of love. Should I be concerned over my superstition?

DAMN YOU HORMONES!

I like to control things around me, but when biology fails me, I wake up angry at the world and want to kill everyone for no reason what so ever!!!

There's no music on the whole youtube that suits me and doesn't irritate me. Each position I sit in I am either too hot or it's too painful (the lobsters are jealous of my shell). I was reading this blog, and when there was re-blogged posts I got angry! I don't know whether my brain is in a sneezing or coughing mode?!

Its one of those days when you think that the Barbie is an unorganized slut and you are jealous of apples (or any other fruit that is on the table and you keep on staring at it).

The thing that angers me the most is I do not know the way how to stop torturing myself, I refuse to go to sleep and its too early to get drunk!

I am going to indulge myself in a book, a new book, because the descriptive, narrative language of a classic that I am reading is driving me bananas! I could eat a banana too!

Hope you are having a better day and that you are not a woman!

(This post contains the most exclamation marks, score!)

MY VOLUMES

I am a collector but do not like to share.

My collections are layers of me, my volumes. An onion of my personality. There is not enough of notebooks and blank paper for me to fill on everything I do find amusing, inspiring, motivating, gasping, funny and radiating.

Others collect butterflies, tattoos, photographs, memories, sex partners, fridge magnets, sugar packets, mirror reflections, memories. I collect words. Just now, in front of me lies six notebooks.

The light blue one is full of title names, questions to think twice about, name of the songs and one drawing. The red one is a 'writing lesson, prompt, Emerson notebook. Green is for beautiful articles, poems, stories that explain me dead on, teas, what other men wrote about love. A flowery one with a mirror butterfly in the right corner is the witty book, a status book, comment book. Withholding dumb and incredibly intelligent things people say. This one is the sequence to the little red one with the leather covers which is already written. And the last one is the little green one containing everything I am appreciative of. Sometimes we need to stand still and be grateful.

I'd write down anything that takes up on my liking in hopes I will need it someday.

What is your chronicle of little things?

I DO...

We fought for centuries for freedom of speech, some places still do and now 'The Western Democratic wonna be World' is mighty trying to bite tongues where there is judgement.

World is stripping us of our judgement, a foundation of our intuition and columns of prejudice keeping us stable and inbound. Our ability to make decisions lies in judgement, fullness of our bladder and sexual excitement. The last to we might overcome and control.

If I am not wrong, there is something like 'Judgement day' in a little book called Bible? Countries', Unions' and regions' integrity, stability and world's peace and safety is run by a judicial systems, no?

I just stumbled across an article about a Taiwanese woman marrying herself! The happily married bride will be going to honeymoon to Australia by non the other, but herself. Am not sure how to feel or go about thinking about it? But hey, I am not here to judge. If only was I a writer to explain the blankness and speed of my thoughts on this subject. Only one inquiry, where is this going to lead us? Gay marriages, marriages to self...? Everyone happy.

That's it! I am marrying my dog. We love each other, he won't cheat, always happy to see me come back home, our arguments do not last long as he posses big black puppy eyes and always comes back for some loving, besides, he's comfortable with my nakedness. If someone's going to judge me, I am going to sue your tiny behind and charge my husband on you!