CURRENTLY

• Monday mornings are tough. Since can't sleep through them should sustain myself from yelling at or around the person who by unfortunate events came to be present when the constant, unreasonable voice-raising is occurring
• Not that I have real role-models, except from Disney and porn, but I am determined to DO IT ALL.
• After reading Daniela Steel's interview, Nicholas Spark's interview and watching 'I don't know how she does it' movie, a tsunami of motivation swallowed me whole. 
• Drinking bad wine.
• Miss handwriting and handwritten anything. Wishing for a pan-pal.
• Feeling obliged to have a point of view, like the rest of the idiots. 
• Learning of women that in one way or another shaped the modern history.
• Annoying myself, only to start with, and then on with the rest of the world.
• Whatever is it I need from others, am not giving it to myself. Once I find out what is it I want, will stop craving it from others. Do I need to listen to myself more? Take self more seriously?
• Snail power reading 'The summer of the Bear' by Bella Pollen for the book club. Amazing book, really enjoying it. Consider it as a recommendation. 
• Sooo far back with my reading list- frustrated!
• Work's been great so far. Got 2 days off that I cried for. Lets make them count! 
• Girl's night out on Thursday. Behave!
• Had a very very very good late Valentine's. Mr came back from the far off lands bearing presents. Shoooesseeez, boots-boots, and a handbag, big enough to pack my life :) Yet, best of all is the CHOCOLATE! I didn't even have time to read the label for the name from the speed I breathed them in. He thinks I am disgusting. I ate all the chocolate! No thoughts.
• Made pancakes for the first time! Success! 
• Don't want to jinx it but have to mention it. Finally, honoring my lists. Shhhhhh!
• Having a need to stop and remind myself who I am, what is it I want to be and in which direction my life to go. ????
• Need to do something, make something creative...my hands are itching!
• Outside is miserable, inside...I find summer. 
• Dreaming of Paris.
• Shocked by how easy is to misunderstand and miscommunicate. Don't like.
• Loads of new things I like, impressed by, fascinated...trying all to juggle, categorize, organize and sleep.

THERE ARE TIMES:

• TO HOLD OPEN A DOOR
• TO SURRENDER YOUR SEAT
• TO THANK SOMEONE, IN WRITING
• TO LET BYGONES BE GONE
• TO REMEMBER YOUR PARENTS
• TO LISTEN WITH CARE
• TO SURPRISE WITH A GIFT
• TO MIND YOUR TABLE MANNERS
• TO HONER TRADITIONS
• TO GIVE VOICE TO YOUR HEART

TIFFANY  & CO.

Pavli Style :: love &s : radical self love :

Pavli Style :: love &s : radical self love :

A POEM TO MY HAIR

TO A NEW BEGINNING
                               by John O'Donohue

'In out-of-the-way places in the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wonder,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you where ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched you desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Watching how you wiled yourself
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety,
And the grey promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
and out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of pentitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not clear yet,
You can trust the promise of this opening,
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning,
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventures,
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk,
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.'

I cut my fringe!

THE SLOW DISAPPEARANCE OF MEANING AND TRUTH

Everybody is so fucking talented these days. Everyone wants to get something for themselves and be somebody some place else. Jumping at every opportunity, trying the hardest to live without regrets, destroying everything.

Nothing any more is prized and appreciated, instead is owned-loosing its value the moment it is purchased, left to collect dust and be forgotten by not giving it no gratitude. Advertisers think you're stupid.

People forgot how to romanticise and even more depressing, they forgot how to dream. No body teaches daydreaming anymore. No body values it, but think of it as a waste of time,while time=money. Everything is so damn accessible nowadays: girls that think they can take over and rule the world on E-bay-'get it today for half price!!!'

All spells are broken due to the lack of fear to approach it. Very little is special today. Everybody's got everything ever wanting more. No body is happy, forgetting that freedom is not free.

RADICAL SELF LOVE HOMEWORK

I love the fact that I am human. I love that I can feel. I love that there are boys that I can fall in love with, even if feelings make me dull. I love that I can be happy and sad, sometimes at the same time. I love my flaws, I think that is why I am me, unique and beautiful. I love the flaws in others too, it is the detail. I love that I am a mammal, a female mammal for that matter. I love that I have muscles to smile with and walk with, ride a bicycle too,dance. I love my green eyes that can look up and be intimidated by how big the sky is. Appreciate the painting and watch a butterfly dance in the air. I love my arms that can hug another.I love my hands that I can write with. I love my heart that is capable of expansion each time I am in love. I love my skull that protects my thoughts, my happy places and my secrets. I love my skin that gets tanned in the summer and that can feel the tickles of a feather, softness of the silk, warmth of wool and another human touch. I love my lips that I can kiss with.  I love the sound when I laugh and the way my eyes narrow in the process. I love that I can miss another and me too. I love that I am being cared for and that I can care, nurture another living thing. I love that I have to sleep, as I evolve even when I am sleeping. I love that brain can be conscious of the wonderful surroundings and that can dream too. I love that I need water and that I can swim in water too. I love my nose for I can smell the flowers. I love my ears with which I can hear all the mighty sounds and sport the earings. I love my thumbs that enable me to hold a book. I love my tongue that lets me express, and say 'Good Morning', 'Have a fancy day', 'I love you', 'Fuck you' and 'Thank you'. I love my tears and how they taste. I love my taste buds that allow me devour Nutella. I love my hair that plays with the wind. I love my collarbones, my cheekbones, my hips.

What do you love about yourself?

I AM YOUNG, POOR & HAVE A GOOD TASTE

As much enjoying being the title, giving me the opportunity to be creative, re-design, think twice, having something to dream and live for to achieve, there is one BIG regret that wakes up with me and goes to sleep with me.

'I'm fine, I'm fine. At moment I took a break from Thailand, so I went on a holiday to Cambodia. Nice weather, you know me..enjoying the walks. But I am calling to see what did you manage to do about your University. Are you going to school, are you studying?' Let's journey back and trace the origin of my relationship with my grandfather, which words were these. There's none! He never calls. Doesn't even remember my birthday, let alone something else. But we are not going to expand here on his selfishness but the tragedy of me not getting on and becoming an academic. Being the biggest and for now the only regret.

Apart from no knowledge of English language at time when I had to do the exams on that tongue, many other unfortunate events played their part. Neither into these we are going to go any deeper, no point of victimizing myself over the incidents that I'm not able to change.

Due to the undesirable pride I could not tell my grandfather that one of the main reasons for my sudden stop of schooling was the lack of money, which by the way, he has too much of. Instead, I assured him that I am preparing  to read English Language and Literature. Second best after Medicine-which will never happen. Only thing I have from my passion of being a surgeon is the actual jealousy over others in the field.

The shocking phone call did make me sit down, catch my breath and re-examine 'What the hell am I not doing anything concrete with my life and why, oh why am I not exercising my brain and studying something?!' Knowledge is free. If I wanted to learn something, it is available to the young and poor with a good taste, just have to try harder. The phone call haunted me.

Until! At work, I tripped over a big bag filled with books. Somebody forgot it, left it? For me? I dived into it. After finding out whose books are those, I called Tim and asked if I may have them. It was a positive.

Universe answered back by giving me exactly what I needed. 'Modern Criticism and Theory'- Lodge & Wood, 'The short Oxford history of English Literature'- Andrew Sanders and 'The Cambridge Encyclopedia of Language'- David Crystal.

If he calls again, the answer will be 'I am studying English Language and Literature', although have a feeling he'll call in 10 years asking where his great-great children are!

SHE HAD A COCKTAIL IN HER HAND AND CONFETTI IN HER HAIR

He asked: 'Will you miss me when I'm gone?'

She nodded, with a shy 'Mhm' and kissed him passionately just to stop him looking into her eyes. Afraid he'll look into her soul that was the smallest of sizes. So small,it was unable to recognize the moment and experience it. It fed on memories. That is how she loved, on the surface and lived on reflecting, re-reading the yesterdays. No other way was known to her.

 She was marry every morning. It made no difference to her whether she woke alone or not alone. Perfectly painted her nails red while drinking her morning coffee. She was happy with what she's got. When knowing wasn't what she imagined she'd leap into her world of magic. She stood up and went on to with her day, alone, with him. That is the way she liked to do things, by herself.

She liked his warmth, she wasn't cold. She told him all the things he wanted to hear and believed everything he tells her. He wasn't afraid of talking about future and all the great things that he wanted to do with her. She loves that about him.

He loves her the only way he knows how to. He doesn't understand her. He can't hear her. She is screaming.

He is still gone. She is whispering: 'I will miss you.'

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING CAN TRULY BE WONDERFUL

Since Mr is away from the rock, away from me and our bed. Away for St. Valentine's I decided to embrace Gala's 'Fabulous February'. With a passion of a poet and a precision of a scientist, I'll indulge into Radical Self Love month. Which, to be perfectly honest, should be every month and every day should be my birthday, except for weekends which should be experienced with nothing less than Xmasy joy, out loud singing and insane dancing. Celebrate.

Care to join?

Feeling alight. I am my own source, Ms Muse. Coffee may bring me up but nothing can bring me down. When this theorem fails to provide the happy thoughts I'd go anywhere by the means of daydream travel. Paris? Scrolling through the city veins wearing my invisible crown. Or simply surrender my mind and body to ZZzzz monster.

I've got everything! I've got me love, I've got me dog and I've got me library.

Surprise, devour, bite off more than I can chew leaving all the rest to be rust and stardust.

I give you kisses and virtually imaginable heart-shaped pink balloons.